Yay! Our new internet is up and going - no more having to stay in "just that spot" to hijack our neighbor's wireless anymore. :-D
It's the little things. . . like reliable internet. Such a relief.
Now if we can just get my phone fixed, life will be grand.
I'm going to enjoy some down time for a while. . . D and C are at a ball game with D's dad, and J is in bed. I'm getting that rarely seen, oft dreamed of Mommy Alone Time. I think I'm going to celebrate it by taking a book and a glass of Biltmore Reisling to the tub.
Hope you're having a wonderful weekend - enjoy the Superbowl! I think we're supposed to be at the in-laws for some of tomorrow. We don't even care about the game this year, which is rare for us. I don't know that we'll watch, but we may. I just hope we aren't over at their house all day. I really enjoy my own home, even if the couch is broken beyond repair. :-)
MAC
31 January 2009
30 January 2009
Ack! Why did THAT happen?
Things have been stressful, to put it mildly. We decided a couple of weeks ago that we were going to discontinue our home phone service. We both use AT&T for our cell phones, and 95% of the people we talk to regularly do to, so we typically have an abundance of roll-over minutes at the end of the month. So, I cancel the home phone. No big deal. . . until AT&T disconnects our internet (which they didn't mention when I disconnected the phone) and then my cell phone, since it was all on one bill. Um, yeah. Not what we planned. At all. We've managed to hijack our neighbor's wireless network to stay online, but I am suffering without my phone. We've been trying all week to get this whole mess straightened out. Not sure how it's going to work, though. We set up a new internet account with AT&T for a freestanding DSL (that does NOT require land-line service). That should take effect later today. . . I hope. Still have no idea what we're going to do about my phone. Right now they're trying to bill us for the "breaking contract" fee, but we're not trying to break the contract. . . so I have no idea. Really makes me regret extending my contract three weeks ago, I'll tell you that! And, better still, they want to conduct all of this business over the phone - during normal business hours. I DON'T HAVE A PHONE! And D is working. . . not able to sit around on hold and talking to them for hours. I am so frustrated!!
I will say that it has been kinda nice to "be off the grid" again. This is the first time in eleven years I have not had a cell phone. More to the point, this is the first time in 13 years I have not been able to be found when I left the house. (I had a pager before the cell phone.) It's incredibly liberating. Scary, though, 'cause now I'm worrying that something will happen and I won't be able to call anyone. (As if I wasn't paranoid or anxious enough!)
In other news, we are hooked on the show Bones. We've watched the first two seasons on DVD and are watching the third this weekend. I'm also ripping them from the DVDs and putting them on my computer, so I can burn our own copies of them and/or watch them on our iPods. :-D
I know this started out with a rant, and I am still peeved by the whole situation, but all in all, things have been okay. Stressful having to deal with things that spiral out of control and WAY beyond even wildest "might happens," but all in all, it's been a good week. The house is clean and actually staying that way for a change. There's food in the kitchen and the meals have all been warm, good, and filling. There is laundry to be folded and put away. The kids are healthy and pretty happy. When I look at it from that perspective, I don't have a damn thing to complain about.
I'm just going to keep on a keepin' on. . . .
I will say that it has been kinda nice to "be off the grid" again. This is the first time in eleven years I have not had a cell phone. More to the point, this is the first time in 13 years I have not been able to be found when I left the house. (I had a pager before the cell phone.) It's incredibly liberating. Scary, though, 'cause now I'm worrying that something will happen and I won't be able to call anyone. (As if I wasn't paranoid or anxious enough!)
In other news, we are hooked on the show Bones. We've watched the first two seasons on DVD and are watching the third this weekend. I'm also ripping them from the DVDs and putting them on my computer, so I can burn our own copies of them and/or watch them on our iPods. :-D
I know this started out with a rant, and I am still peeved by the whole situation, but all in all, things have been okay. Stressful having to deal with things that spiral out of control and WAY beyond even wildest "might happens," but all in all, it's been a good week. The house is clean and actually staying that way for a change. There's food in the kitchen and the meals have all been warm, good, and filling. There is laundry to be folded and put away. The kids are healthy and pretty happy. When I look at it from that perspective, I don't have a damn thing to complain about.
I'm just going to keep on a keepin' on. . . .
26 January 2009
Changes in Attitudes
There have been many things that have happened lately, and they have all tested me on many levels, and tested my marriage and family. Even now, we are still being tried. We have withstood all that has been thrown at us. I know that we will continue to do so. We have been so very fortunate in that none of these obstacles have involved personal demons. It is just so very hard to feel as though you are even maintaining the status quo, much less getting ahead, when every time you turn around there is something else (unexpected) that demands your time, attention, focus, money, and/or effort. That's where we are. Much like the other night; we had sat and talked, working out a practical game plan of sorts for the next few weeks. We felt as though we had a handle on the situation and would be able to use our plan and come through, if not comfortably, at least no worse for the wear. Then we have two of our windows broken by a non-English speaking person with no insurance. The next day, still thinking we can make things work, we are asked (by someone who knows the situation VERY well, no less) to pay for something that we thought had been taken care of last year. (My in-laws had offered last Spring to pay for our new washer and dryer, and we thought they had; apparently, they put it on their credit card and now, a year later, are asking us to pay the bill for them. Because we have an extra $1500 to do that with.) Then, my in-laws offer to put my cell phone on their cell phone plan. They bought D his phone and put him on their plan a few years ago (after I told them that I had done the same; he opened mine first, then theirs, and, in front of me, his mother said that I could take the one I got him back. I was furious.). D was all in favor of moving my phone to their plan, saying it would save us the money, etc. I pointed out the discounts that I have on my plan, having it combined with the internet, television, University discounts, and the fact that I have been a customer with an account for 10 years. Then I pointed out the fact that I was under contract. He finally agreed that it was not a good idea. I have no problem with consolidating to save money. I have no problem with living more frugally to save money. I do have a problem with destroying any relationships I have built (and that save money long-term) in an effort to save a few pennies today. And, despite my best efforts to encourage this to happen, D adamantly refuses to go back to court to get child support for C. We have not gotten any child support in four years, and there was still back child support due to us then. If nothing else, that money would pay for C's medications and co-pays at the doctors' offices. Best case, it would make up enough of the difference that we would not be so worried. When D gets stressed and worried, he gets angry. When I get stressed and worried, I get cold and become unable to eat. On the plus side, being unable to eat does save money. . . but is not acceptable.
To finally work my way back around to the subject, however, is this: I woke up this morning, with one ear bleeding, the other ear aching, cold, head hurting, back aching, and still sleepy. Despite all of that, I also woke up with the knowledge that IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. We will never be given more than we can handle. These are only tests, only trials on our faith. The saying is "it has to hurt to heal," and that applies to our spiritual life so very often. This is our "hurt" so that we can heal. We will be better for this. We will be stronger for this. Our faith will be greater for this. Our marriage will be stronger for this. I know it. I woke up with that attitude, that realization this morning, and it has made all the difference in my outlook.
To finally work my way back around to the subject, however, is this: I woke up this morning, with one ear bleeding, the other ear aching, cold, head hurting, back aching, and still sleepy. Despite all of that, I also woke up with the knowledge that IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. We will never be given more than we can handle. These are only tests, only trials on our faith. The saying is "it has to hurt to heal," and that applies to our spiritual life so very often. This is our "hurt" so that we can heal. We will be better for this. We will be stronger for this. Our faith will be greater for this. Our marriage will be stronger for this. I know it. I woke up with that attitude, that realization this morning, and it has made all the difference in my outlook.
15 January 2009
A Calmer, More Composed, Reflection
So, after settling down a bit and re-reading my last post, I thought I might need to write a nicer, less stressed entry. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea; I needed to vent and to rant a bit, so I did. I did not say anything that I haven't said previously, nor did I say anything I would not say to a friend in person. It's just different when you look at the words written on the internet.
Right now, I'm bundled up under two quilts on my warm, cozy bed. I've got on a pair of sock liners, a pair of wool socks, leggings, pj pants, a long-sleeved layering tee, and a long-sleeved UK shirt. And I am STILL cold. Rumor has it that it will be TWO degrees tonight. . . and colder than today tomorrow. I was not built for cold weather. To me, cold weather is 45. If it's not windy, maybe 40. I was built for beaches and sun. :-)
Cold or not, I'm happy as can be right now. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that Mini-Me is cuddled up next to me under his Cars fleece blanket and watching Cars on his iPod. He has thanked me every day since Christmas for that iPod. I cannot believe what a grateful child we are raising! We've taught "please" and "thank-you," but the level of gratitude he has is astounding. He always says thank-you when you get him a drink or snack. That's part of using manners. But then, he'll come up to me out of the blue and say, "Mommy, thank-you so much for washing my clothes!" or, if he's been given a gift he really enjoys, it's like the iPod. He'll thank me every time he gets it out. Yesterday, D was having a rough time getting motivated to get out of bed and go to work. He had slept in and was late, in fact. (I'll go in more detail about that in a bit.) The boys and I were bundling up to take C to school, and I told J to go tell Daddy bye. He goes back to our room, gives D a big hug and says, "Thank-you for going to work and making money for us, Daddy. I love you!" My heart about melted. He doesn't have to be prompted to do this. This is just naturally pouring out of his heart. How wonderful is that?
On to D. On Monday, he was working hard as usual, and three co-workers who are supervisors of a different department came over to him during the morning and asked him if he would mind helping them out a bit. He said he would not, and for them to just put a list together of things they needed him to do and he would get it done. They told him these things would need to be done by Tuesday. He again said it would not be a problem. Well, the day passes and he gets no list. He gets off work at 3:30, and everyone there knows this. At 3:00, these men bring him a rather lengthy list. He starts working on it, planning to stay late and finish up. At 4:00, these 3 men, like the other men working there, are in the parking lot, getting into their vehicles and leaving. They see D and wave. When he gets home at 6:00, after finishing the list, he is naturally in a bad mood. He feels taken advantage of, and rightfully so. It turned him off of the desire to work hard and help out. Hence Wednesday morning's blehs.
Wednesday was a mixed bag of emotions for me. The morning didn't start off too great, but it had it's highlights. After taking C to school, J and I came home and began our work. We began with cleaning up the house. He was responsible for the living room and I tackled the laundry. Well, first he picked up a few things and then announced he was hungry, so he stopped for cereal while I worked on laundry. It's all been washed and dried, but it needed to be folded. . . ugh. While he's eating, my phone rings. It's the school nurse. C's site (cannula for his insulin pump - where it actually goes into his body) had fallen out that morning and I had replaced it with a new one (gets replaced every 2-3 days anyway, so not that big of a deal) before taking him to school. It's now 8:25 and his blood sugar is elevated and he is spilling ketones (sugar in his body that is being flushed out and not metabolised by the insulin). He says that he told me he was nauseus but I made him go to school anyway. (Not true. I knew he had elevated blood sugar, because I had the pump treat for it. I knew it would be where it should be come snack time at 9:30. . . and I would not send him to school nauseus from high blood sugar. I would just have to turn around and go get him. . . and I'm not stupid or mean enough to waste time driving back and forth to the school.) Would I please come and get him? For her to have been making this call at 8:25 means that C would have had to go straight to her office when he walked in the door of the school at 7:55, because she had to test his blood sugar, talk to him, test his ketones, look up my phone number, attempt to correct his blood sugar via the pump, and then call me. I called D upset, because this is ridiculous. And it is a regular occurance with this particular nurse. She is the most ketone-happy nurse I've ever encountered. He can stay in school with high blood sugar, so long as it's manageable. He cannot stay in school while spilling ketones. I understand that, and that's fine. He's been diabetic the entire time he's been in school. Until last year, when we got this nurse, he had NEVER been sent home for spilling ketones. Moreover, ketones are a big deal. If he is spilling ketones, we are supposed to take him to the doctor or the emergency room. If he is spilling Moderate or more ketones (third level, which is still low) he will be hospitalized and put on an IV to flush them from his system so they cannot build up (this is what causes diabetics to go blind). She said yesterday that he was, and I quote, spilling "massive" levels of ketones. In the 10 minutes it takes to get home from the school, with him having no water to help flush them out, we test again and he is negative. This is also a regular occurance with this nurse. We've taken it up with her supervisor, who is also our old nurse. He has come home early from school 8 days this school year alone. Two years ago he had perfect attendance (and never came home early). D got on the phone with C and really let him have it about using this as an excuse to get out of going to school. Rather than reward this behavior with treating him as if he was ill, I made him do the work the teacher sent home. Turns out that he didn't get all of his books and materials to do the work. *it's a rule for him that he is to bring home every text and work book that he has every day, simply to prevent this from happening.* He then read a book. By this time, his blood sugar was down to the low end of normal. It was 11:30. He was perfectly fine. He and J played some, I made them both go to bed for "nap" time, but I know they both were watching their iPods. They were quiet and gave me a good hour of "me" time, so that's fine. They played some more, then went to church with Mom.
During the course of the day, J cleaned the living room and playroom, and swept the kitchen floor for me. I folded five loads of laundry, and washed the dogs' bed from the living room. I then cleaned the kitchen (deep cleaned, like moved stuff off the counters to scrub underneath, as in the tv and microwave), washed a load of dishes, and made some Challah bread.
While the kids were at church, D and I ate dinner and watched Worst Week, Leverage, and Criminal Minds. It's so nice to have that time where it's just us to do whatever we want. We've gone out and walked around Wal-Mart, gone to dinner, stayed in and each enjoyed our own personal time.
The boys got home and we started getting them ready for bed. J got his jammies on and got in bed while C took his shower. After his shower, C was talking to D and told him that he wants Skid to baptize him. We're not opposed to the idea at all, and think that it is wonderful, but we want to make sure he knows what it means and that it is a big step, a life-long commitment to God. So, we told him that we will talk to our preacher and to Skid, since that's who he wants to talk to about it, and go from there. But what a great way to end the day, huh?
J called for me to come in there at about 10:30 last night, about 2 hours after the boys' lights went out, and wanted a hug. While we were hugging, he told me he wasn't going to let me go. And he didn't, all night long. He ended up sleeping with us in our bed, arms wrapped around me. Nothing warms a mother's heart quite like the love of her little boy.
I would love to end here, warm and glowing from the wonderful young men my boys are growing into, but I can't. I just can't not have a moment to hope for better than I have. D and I have been struggling ever since I quit my job in August. It was the right decision at the time, and the decision that our family needed to make. I was spending too much time being someone else's "wife" and too much energy worrying about his problems on top of my own. Losing the income, though, was tough. We had enough to get us through a couple of months, but not Christmas. We thought that, after a month to regain my sanity and reconnect with myself, I would go find a job. We left J in school at this time. It was just as I was able to function again, getting up and dressed and able to hear the phone ring without a panic attack, able to have someone knock on the door without running and hiding, that the job market crashed. Suddenly, everyone is looking for a job. Since the end of September, I have applied for 42 jobs. I applied for holiday jobs. I don't want a career. I want a paycheck. I want to work nights, so that I can continue to stay home with J and homeschool. I don't want my paycheck to go to a daycare so that someone else can raise my kids. Apparently, I'm overqualified for just about every job I've put in for. I've applied at UPS, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, every hospital around, a couple of nursing homes. . . and nothing. Seriously, how hard is it to find a way to make a reliable income without sacrificing my kids? If anyone knows of anything, please let me know! I honestly have thought about babysitting during the day, or even the night. I've got room, I've got an open seat in the car, I've got time. . . I've even got a membership to the zoo! I'd really only want to keep one kid, though, and I'd want him/her to be within a year or so of J's age, just so they could share toys and play together.
Okay, I'm done for today. Even as propped up and swaddled as I am, I'm so cold my back is aching again. I'm going to make some hot chocolate and cuddle with Mini-Me.
Have a wonderful (cold!) day!
Right now, I'm bundled up under two quilts on my warm, cozy bed. I've got on a pair of sock liners, a pair of wool socks, leggings, pj pants, a long-sleeved layering tee, and a long-sleeved UK shirt. And I am STILL cold. Rumor has it that it will be TWO degrees tonight. . . and colder than today tomorrow. I was not built for cold weather. To me, cold weather is 45. If it's not windy, maybe 40. I was built for beaches and sun. :-)
Cold or not, I'm happy as can be right now. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that Mini-Me is cuddled up next to me under his Cars fleece blanket and watching Cars on his iPod. He has thanked me every day since Christmas for that iPod. I cannot believe what a grateful child we are raising! We've taught "please" and "thank-you," but the level of gratitude he has is astounding. He always says thank-you when you get him a drink or snack. That's part of using manners. But then, he'll come up to me out of the blue and say, "Mommy, thank-you so much for washing my clothes!" or, if he's been given a gift he really enjoys, it's like the iPod. He'll thank me every time he gets it out. Yesterday, D was having a rough time getting motivated to get out of bed and go to work. He had slept in and was late, in fact. (I'll go in more detail about that in a bit.) The boys and I were bundling up to take C to school, and I told J to go tell Daddy bye. He goes back to our room, gives D a big hug and says, "Thank-you for going to work and making money for us, Daddy. I love you!" My heart about melted. He doesn't have to be prompted to do this. This is just naturally pouring out of his heart. How wonderful is that?
On to D. On Monday, he was working hard as usual, and three co-workers who are supervisors of a different department came over to him during the morning and asked him if he would mind helping them out a bit. He said he would not, and for them to just put a list together of things they needed him to do and he would get it done. They told him these things would need to be done by Tuesday. He again said it would not be a problem. Well, the day passes and he gets no list. He gets off work at 3:30, and everyone there knows this. At 3:00, these men bring him a rather lengthy list. He starts working on it, planning to stay late and finish up. At 4:00, these 3 men, like the other men working there, are in the parking lot, getting into their vehicles and leaving. They see D and wave. When he gets home at 6:00, after finishing the list, he is naturally in a bad mood. He feels taken advantage of, and rightfully so. It turned him off of the desire to work hard and help out. Hence Wednesday morning's blehs.
Wednesday was a mixed bag of emotions for me. The morning didn't start off too great, but it had it's highlights. After taking C to school, J and I came home and began our work. We began with cleaning up the house. He was responsible for the living room and I tackled the laundry. Well, first he picked up a few things and then announced he was hungry, so he stopped for cereal while I worked on laundry. It's all been washed and dried, but it needed to be folded. . . ugh. While he's eating, my phone rings. It's the school nurse. C's site (cannula for his insulin pump - where it actually goes into his body) had fallen out that morning and I had replaced it with a new one (gets replaced every 2-3 days anyway, so not that big of a deal) before taking him to school. It's now 8:25 and his blood sugar is elevated and he is spilling ketones (sugar in his body that is being flushed out and not metabolised by the insulin). He says that he told me he was nauseus but I made him go to school anyway. (Not true. I knew he had elevated blood sugar, because I had the pump treat for it. I knew it would be where it should be come snack time at 9:30. . . and I would not send him to school nauseus from high blood sugar. I would just have to turn around and go get him. . . and I'm not stupid or mean enough to waste time driving back and forth to the school.) Would I please come and get him? For her to have been making this call at 8:25 means that C would have had to go straight to her office when he walked in the door of the school at 7:55, because she had to test his blood sugar, talk to him, test his ketones, look up my phone number, attempt to correct his blood sugar via the pump, and then call me. I called D upset, because this is ridiculous. And it is a regular occurance with this particular nurse. She is the most ketone-happy nurse I've ever encountered. He can stay in school with high blood sugar, so long as it's manageable. He cannot stay in school while spilling ketones. I understand that, and that's fine. He's been diabetic the entire time he's been in school. Until last year, when we got this nurse, he had NEVER been sent home for spilling ketones. Moreover, ketones are a big deal. If he is spilling ketones, we are supposed to take him to the doctor or the emergency room. If he is spilling Moderate or more ketones (third level, which is still low) he will be hospitalized and put on an IV to flush them from his system so they cannot build up (this is what causes diabetics to go blind). She said yesterday that he was, and I quote, spilling "massive" levels of ketones. In the 10 minutes it takes to get home from the school, with him having no water to help flush them out, we test again and he is negative. This is also a regular occurance with this nurse. We've taken it up with her supervisor, who is also our old nurse. He has come home early from school 8 days this school year alone. Two years ago he had perfect attendance (and never came home early). D got on the phone with C and really let him have it about using this as an excuse to get out of going to school. Rather than reward this behavior with treating him as if he was ill, I made him do the work the teacher sent home. Turns out that he didn't get all of his books and materials to do the work. *it's a rule for him that he is to bring home every text and work book that he has every day, simply to prevent this from happening.* He then read a book. By this time, his blood sugar was down to the low end of normal. It was 11:30. He was perfectly fine. He and J played some, I made them both go to bed for "nap" time, but I know they both were watching their iPods. They were quiet and gave me a good hour of "me" time, so that's fine. They played some more, then went to church with Mom.
During the course of the day, J cleaned the living room and playroom, and swept the kitchen floor for me. I folded five loads of laundry, and washed the dogs' bed from the living room. I then cleaned the kitchen (deep cleaned, like moved stuff off the counters to scrub underneath, as in the tv and microwave), washed a load of dishes, and made some Challah bread.
While the kids were at church, D and I ate dinner and watched Worst Week, Leverage, and Criminal Minds. It's so nice to have that time where it's just us to do whatever we want. We've gone out and walked around Wal-Mart, gone to dinner, stayed in and each enjoyed our own personal time.
The boys got home and we started getting them ready for bed. J got his jammies on and got in bed while C took his shower. After his shower, C was talking to D and told him that he wants Skid to baptize him. We're not opposed to the idea at all, and think that it is wonderful, but we want to make sure he knows what it means and that it is a big step, a life-long commitment to God. So, we told him that we will talk to our preacher and to Skid, since that's who he wants to talk to about it, and go from there. But what a great way to end the day, huh?
J called for me to come in there at about 10:30 last night, about 2 hours after the boys' lights went out, and wanted a hug. While we were hugging, he told me he wasn't going to let me go. And he didn't, all night long. He ended up sleeping with us in our bed, arms wrapped around me. Nothing warms a mother's heart quite like the love of her little boy.
I would love to end here, warm and glowing from the wonderful young men my boys are growing into, but I can't. I just can't not have a moment to hope for better than I have. D and I have been struggling ever since I quit my job in August. It was the right decision at the time, and the decision that our family needed to make. I was spending too much time being someone else's "wife" and too much energy worrying about his problems on top of my own. Losing the income, though, was tough. We had enough to get us through a couple of months, but not Christmas. We thought that, after a month to regain my sanity and reconnect with myself, I would go find a job. We left J in school at this time. It was just as I was able to function again, getting up and dressed and able to hear the phone ring without a panic attack, able to have someone knock on the door without running and hiding, that the job market crashed. Suddenly, everyone is looking for a job. Since the end of September, I have applied for 42 jobs. I applied for holiday jobs. I don't want a career. I want a paycheck. I want to work nights, so that I can continue to stay home with J and homeschool. I don't want my paycheck to go to a daycare so that someone else can raise my kids. Apparently, I'm overqualified for just about every job I've put in for. I've applied at UPS, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, every hospital around, a couple of nursing homes. . . and nothing. Seriously, how hard is it to find a way to make a reliable income without sacrificing my kids? If anyone knows of anything, please let me know! I honestly have thought about babysitting during the day, or even the night. I've got room, I've got an open seat in the car, I've got time. . . I've even got a membership to the zoo! I'd really only want to keep one kid, though, and I'd want him/her to be within a year or so of J's age, just so they could share toys and play together.
Okay, I'm done for today. Even as propped up and swaddled as I am, I'm so cold my back is aching again. I'm going to make some hot chocolate and cuddle with Mini-Me.
Have a wonderful (cold!) day!
12 January 2009
Bit of a Rant. . . Sorry.
Okay, so I did not make it back on later that day or even the next (or the next) to finish up. I know. . . just start a blog and then leave it. This cold weather has about done me in! I have a muscle that, when it tenses up, spasms and the spasms pinch a nerve. I've had the nerve burned off, I've had steroids and anesthetics injected into the muscle and nerve, but nothing seems to work. Finally I got tired of paying for procedures every two weeks (my insurance said my co-pay for EACH was the same as a new surgery, so at $250 a pop, I couldn't do it), I just decided to deal with the pain and do what I could to alleviate it. It's not so bad during warm weather, unless I do a lot of work where I bend over or twist around. It's funny when I work in the garden and flower beds - I sit down in the dirt and work to save my back. But when it's cold outside, that muscle seizes up and doesn't stop until it hits about 65 degrees outside. And when it spasms and pinches that nerve, it shoots fire-hot jolts of pain down my hip and leg, and across my lower back. There have been many times when I have lost feeling in my leg or even my arm if it gets bad enough. So, long digression aside, the recent cold weather has left me sore and tired! All I want to do in cold weather is cuddle up under lots of warm blankets and sleep. Even now, while J is playing a bit before we do his "school" for the day, I'm back under the covers on my bed in my long johns. I'm considering doing J's lessons right here from the bed.
What else. . . let's see. Well, we spent yesterday with the in-laws. All in all, not a bad day. You never can tell with them how it's going to go. Some days nothing is good enough for them. Yesterday, though, we watched Hancock and I transferred music and movies from my laptop to theirs. (Just before Christmas, my mother-in-law purchased herself an iPod, and then called me and said, "Can you come over here and show me how to use this and put stuff on it." I get over there to find out she has NOTHING on her computer to put on it, so I had to load it from mine. Now she can use her own! YAY!) Then we went to Cracker Barrel to eat. A long day, but not a bad day.
I'll go off on a tangent here about my in-laws:
We have not always gotten along. In fact, it is only recently that we have begun to get along. We had been married for about a year when we decided we wanted to buy a house. It was going to be a first home for both of us, and we wanted the boys (J would have been a couple of months old, C would have been 6) to have a yard and room to play. My employer at the time wanted to help us out, and he arranged with the bank to co-sign a loan for us to get us a great interest rate. My parents, having not had to pay for a wedding, helped out considerably with the down payment. We had a bit saved up, and were confident that we could find something that we liked without having to be in debt forever. We looked for a couple of months before we found the one that we both loved - it was older, built in the 1940s. It was large, 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, dining room, living room, and, what really sold us - a HUGE kitchen. It also had original hard wood floors in all but two rooms. The lot was also large, nearly 1 acre. Just past the city limits, so only county taxes. There was a full attic, partially finished (but large enough to be two rooms when finished), and a full barn with it's own storage room and full attic. We fell in love, seeing the potential for a house like that. We knew it would involve a lot of work, but all that work would just make it more ours. We talked to the listing agent; it was listed at $85000, but the sellers, after hearing it would be a first home for a young family, lowered the price to $82500, and agreed to pay for a septic treatment and termite inspection/treatment. We went to the bank. They agreed to finance the loan at $85000, just to lower the down payment amount for us. We were $1000 short of the down payment (keeping in mind that we would need appliances and paint and whatnot. . . it was the full down payment or a refrigerator). Talked to the in-laws; they would buy D's truck from us for $1200, but didn't want to give or loan us the money because they were keeping it in order to pay for the divorce. (Honest, that's what they told D.)
Well, we love our house. And we've certainly made it our own. We purchased our appliances and had the bill paid off by my employer as a house warming gift. We've done thousands of dollars worth of work to the outside. We've done just as much to the inside. Each year brings a new project.
Anyway, I'm rambling - back to the issue at hand. The other thing that has really kept that wedge between me and my in-laws is how they view their grandsons. C was the first grandchild. He lived with them for a while before D and I got married. I get that they love him. But telling us that they need to see him because it's been almost a week is absurd. Worse is telling me that they should sue for custody of C because they are the "only fit parents he has." (I got that in a voice mail while I was pregnant.) Then J comes along. J was born early, and we had just had our last baby shower. Curiously enough, it was the shower for D's family. My mother's church friends did one shower, and that was the shower that my family was invited to. Since the church showers are rather large and I had two friends wanting to give me a shower, I divided the two families up. D's cousin was flying in from Texas and was so excited about going to the shower. She brought a gift and everything. D's mom had taken the afternoon off of work (she does tax prep that time of year). Turns out, she had taken the afternoon off to take the cousin shopping. NONE of D's family came to the shower. I was upset. D's cousin was angry. We didn't get baby gifts from anyone except D's cousin. His sister said that it wasn't "proper" to have a shower or get gifts for the second child. Hello? It was MY first!
This set the tone for all gift-giving events. Every Christmas it's the same. C will get about 10-15 toys (because they refuse to give clothes or anything useful). J will get maybe 2-3. I mean, seriously, this past year, J started opening after C did, finished opening, threw away his trash, and was playing with toys that had been taken out of packages, and C was still not done opening. Last year, on their birthdays, (J's is the 31st, C's is the 2nd) we had a dinner and present opening with each family. At the in-laws', J got a book, a bucket with flower seeds and sunglasses, and a baseball tee designed for ages 2-3. He was turning 4 and already playing ball (and being pitched to, not hitting on the tee. . . by HIS choice). C got 7 books, $200 worth of art supplies (I know - I had given him most of the same things. . . and told them when they asked what he was getting), a movie, an MP3 player, and a $250 art table (price tag still on it). This was when D really began to see that I was not crazy when I had been telling him about this for years. Every other year, we had done a larger party and had both families and our own gifts in the mix, so it wasn't as obvious.
When his mother goes shopping and finds stuff for the kids, she'll get C 4-5 shirts or pants, a toy or two, and usually not get J anything. She'll say, when J asks where his is, that she didn't know what he liked or what size he wore. D finally had enough one day and told her that she has TWO grandsons and if she can't be equal to them then she didn't need to bring things over for just one of them. That solved the problem of bringing it all over. . . now they keep it in C's bedroom at their house. Yes, he has his own bedroom there. With more toys than we have in the whole playroom here. J has a box downstairs next to the tv with the broken Happy Meal toys and a few Matchbox cars that C doesn't play with anymore. J honestly plays with the dog's toys more than anything when we're there.
And they wonder why we don't let J go over there and stay without us! I told D that I refuse for them to do to J what they've done to C. They have made him feel entitled to whatever he wants, and have zero responsibility. I'll be damned before I let that happen to J.
J is the first of Mom's grandkids that she has been around from Day One. She was super involved in the pregnancy, she was at the hospital when he was born. And he's the baby. He spends more time at Mom and Dad's than the other two grandkids combined. Other than getting more food per year than the others, he is treated exactly the same as they are. They get roughly the same amount at Christmas and birthdays. But that's where he spends the night if he's not with me. That's where he goes to play during the weekend. He LOVES spending time over there. When they have a project, he "has to go help Grandpa." If I didn't have them to balance out D's family, I think I'd go crazy. I had a similar problem growing up. I was always the "forgotten" grandchild. I wasn't the oldest on one side, so I didn't get noticed, and I wasn't the closest geographically, so I wasn't noticed on the other. My great-grandmother doted on me, which made up for it, since most of the other grandkids didn't like to spend their time with her, seeing as she was so much older and "less fun." I know how I felt though, and I don't want that for J. No parent wants that for their child.
Okay, I think I've ranted and rambled enough for one day. I need to go work on reading and math. And then I have a coloring date. :-)
What else. . . let's see. Well, we spent yesterday with the in-laws. All in all, not a bad day. You never can tell with them how it's going to go. Some days nothing is good enough for them. Yesterday, though, we watched Hancock and I transferred music and movies from my laptop to theirs. (Just before Christmas, my mother-in-law purchased herself an iPod, and then called me and said, "Can you come over here and show me how to use this and put stuff on it." I get over there to find out she has NOTHING on her computer to put on it, so I had to load it from mine. Now she can use her own! YAY!) Then we went to Cracker Barrel to eat. A long day, but not a bad day.
I'll go off on a tangent here about my in-laws:
We have not always gotten along. In fact, it is only recently that we have begun to get along. We had been married for about a year when we decided we wanted to buy a house. It was going to be a first home for both of us, and we wanted the boys (J would have been a couple of months old, C would have been 6) to have a yard and room to play. My employer at the time wanted to help us out, and he arranged with the bank to co-sign a loan for us to get us a great interest rate. My parents, having not had to pay for a wedding, helped out considerably with the down payment. We had a bit saved up, and were confident that we could find something that we liked without having to be in debt forever. We looked for a couple of months before we found the one that we both loved - it was older, built in the 1940s. It was large, 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, dining room, living room, and, what really sold us - a HUGE kitchen. It also had original hard wood floors in all but two rooms. The lot was also large, nearly 1 acre. Just past the city limits, so only county taxes. There was a full attic, partially finished (but large enough to be two rooms when finished), and a full barn with it's own storage room and full attic. We fell in love, seeing the potential for a house like that. We knew it would involve a lot of work, but all that work would just make it more ours. We talked to the listing agent; it was listed at $85000, but the sellers, after hearing it would be a first home for a young family, lowered the price to $82500, and agreed to pay for a septic treatment and termite inspection/treatment. We went to the bank. They agreed to finance the loan at $85000, just to lower the down payment amount for us. We were $1000 short of the down payment (keeping in mind that we would need appliances and paint and whatnot. . . it was the full down payment or a refrigerator). Talked to the in-laws; they would buy D's truck from us for $1200, but didn't want to give or loan us the money because they were keeping it in order to pay for the divorce. (Honest, that's what they told D.)
Well, we love our house. And we've certainly made it our own. We purchased our appliances and had the bill paid off by my employer as a house warming gift. We've done thousands of dollars worth of work to the outside. We've done just as much to the inside. Each year brings a new project.
Anyway, I'm rambling - back to the issue at hand. The other thing that has really kept that wedge between me and my in-laws is how they view their grandsons. C was the first grandchild. He lived with them for a while before D and I got married. I get that they love him. But telling us that they need to see him because it's been almost a week is absurd. Worse is telling me that they should sue for custody of C because they are the "only fit parents he has." (I got that in a voice mail while I was pregnant.) Then J comes along. J was born early, and we had just had our last baby shower. Curiously enough, it was the shower for D's family. My mother's church friends did one shower, and that was the shower that my family was invited to. Since the church showers are rather large and I had two friends wanting to give me a shower, I divided the two families up. D's cousin was flying in from Texas and was so excited about going to the shower. She brought a gift and everything. D's mom had taken the afternoon off of work (she does tax prep that time of year). Turns out, she had taken the afternoon off to take the cousin shopping. NONE of D's family came to the shower. I was upset. D's cousin was angry. We didn't get baby gifts from anyone except D's cousin. His sister said that it wasn't "proper" to have a shower or get gifts for the second child. Hello? It was MY first!
This set the tone for all gift-giving events. Every Christmas it's the same. C will get about 10-15 toys (because they refuse to give clothes or anything useful). J will get maybe 2-3. I mean, seriously, this past year, J started opening after C did, finished opening, threw away his trash, and was playing with toys that had been taken out of packages, and C was still not done opening. Last year, on their birthdays, (J's is the 31st, C's is the 2nd) we had a dinner and present opening with each family. At the in-laws', J got a book, a bucket with flower seeds and sunglasses, and a baseball tee designed for ages 2-3. He was turning 4 and already playing ball (and being pitched to, not hitting on the tee. . . by HIS choice). C got 7 books, $200 worth of art supplies (I know - I had given him most of the same things. . . and told them when they asked what he was getting), a movie, an MP3 player, and a $250 art table (price tag still on it). This was when D really began to see that I was not crazy when I had been telling him about this for years. Every other year, we had done a larger party and had both families and our own gifts in the mix, so it wasn't as obvious.
When his mother goes shopping and finds stuff for the kids, she'll get C 4-5 shirts or pants, a toy or two, and usually not get J anything. She'll say, when J asks where his is, that she didn't know what he liked or what size he wore. D finally had enough one day and told her that she has TWO grandsons and if she can't be equal to them then she didn't need to bring things over for just one of them. That solved the problem of bringing it all over. . . now they keep it in C's bedroom at their house. Yes, he has his own bedroom there. With more toys than we have in the whole playroom here. J has a box downstairs next to the tv with the broken Happy Meal toys and a few Matchbox cars that C doesn't play with anymore. J honestly plays with the dog's toys more than anything when we're there.
And they wonder why we don't let J go over there and stay without us! I told D that I refuse for them to do to J what they've done to C. They have made him feel entitled to whatever he wants, and have zero responsibility. I'll be damned before I let that happen to J.
J is the first of Mom's grandkids that she has been around from Day One. She was super involved in the pregnancy, she was at the hospital when he was born. And he's the baby. He spends more time at Mom and Dad's than the other two grandkids combined. Other than getting more food per year than the others, he is treated exactly the same as they are. They get roughly the same amount at Christmas and birthdays. But that's where he spends the night if he's not with me. That's where he goes to play during the weekend. He LOVES spending time over there. When they have a project, he "has to go help Grandpa." If I didn't have them to balance out D's family, I think I'd go crazy. I had a similar problem growing up. I was always the "forgotten" grandchild. I wasn't the oldest on one side, so I didn't get noticed, and I wasn't the closest geographically, so I wasn't noticed on the other. My great-grandmother doted on me, which made up for it, since most of the other grandkids didn't like to spend their time with her, seeing as she was so much older and "less fun." I know how I felt though, and I don't want that for J. No parent wants that for their child.
Okay, I think I've ranted and rambled enough for one day. I need to go work on reading and math. And then I have a coloring date. :-)
07 January 2009
New Year, Same Me
Yet another new year. . . a year full of possibilities, obstacles, friends both old and new, and promises made, promises kept, and promises broken.
I'm not one for making resolutions. Sure, there are things I want to change, but I don't feel the need for a holiday to make such decisions. (Also, I truly prefer the ancient custom of celebrating the New Year's at the beginning of Spring, a time of rebirth and growth. Seems more appropriate to me.)
This year I decided to chronicle my days here, gaining advice, insight, and encouragement. I do not seek validation. I've kept a journal for years, and this is merely an extension of that. Rather, I've found, through Facebook especially, that I work harder when others know what I'm doing. So that's what this is.
This is going to be a long post, much longer than typical, because I feel the need to provide some background to "catch you up," so to speak, before really getting going.
To start, here's a brief character sketch of my oldest son:
C is almost 11 and is in the 5th grade in the city school system. He plays lacrosse and loves video games. He is also a diabetic and has been since he was 17 mos. old. Oh, and he's actually my step-son, from my husband's first marriage. (this might end up being important, as we have to deal with his being gone on occasion.) He lives with us full-time.
My youngest son:
J is almost 5 and stays at home with me. He plays baseball (I coach) and loves to watch Thomas and Handy Manny on his iPod. He is my self-proclaimed best friend. He is smarter than any 5 year old should be and helps me around the house by picking up and cleaning up and turning off lights. He is a wonderful example of Attachment Parenting. (purely by accident - I did what felt natural, and it turns out it has a name and is quite the thing to do these days. Who knew?)
My husband:
D is older than I. . . by a few years (less than a decade). I won't announce his age, as it will give mine away somewhat. :-) He works hard to take care of us and does a wonderful job. He's my best friend. He loves college sports, particularly Kentucky, so we have lots of fun watching all the games. He is a fabulous father and a great husband.
Me:
I am me. . . straightforward and up front. I am a nerd - I love all things electronic and keep up to date on the newest toys coming out. I use Apple for everything I own. I'm trying to convert the world one laptop at a time. :-) I'm a Southern belle through-and-through. I watch college sports (even without D) and have my own favorite, Vandy. My sweet tea is thick enough to chew and I don't believe a meal is a meal unless there's one (or more) meat, two (or more) vegetables, and a bread on the table. . . all of it either fried or with butter. I love my animals and keep taking in strays. I love to read and can suggest a novel or two at any time. . . and probably let you borrow my copy of it. Same goes for movies.
I like to have a good time, but I'm a good girl to the core. You can't live in the Bible Belt and not have faith be as much of you are as the color of your eyes or your last name. D and I recently moved our family from a very large congregation that I grew up in to a much smaller congregation. We like that we are missed and we get to know the others there so much better. We can let our children go off with the other kids there and still see them. We can be as actively involved as we want to be without having to join committees and subgroups. It's a conservative group, and as traditional as we are.
I took a bit longer than I expected on setting this all up, so I guess this will have to be in two parts. I may post later this evening, or it may be tomorrow.
xoxo,
MAC
I'm not one for making resolutions. Sure, there are things I want to change, but I don't feel the need for a holiday to make such decisions. (Also, I truly prefer the ancient custom of celebrating the New Year's at the beginning of Spring, a time of rebirth and growth. Seems more appropriate to me.)
This year I decided to chronicle my days here, gaining advice, insight, and encouragement. I do not seek validation. I've kept a journal for years, and this is merely an extension of that. Rather, I've found, through Facebook especially, that I work harder when others know what I'm doing. So that's what this is.
This is going to be a long post, much longer than typical, because I feel the need to provide some background to "catch you up," so to speak, before really getting going.
To start, here's a brief character sketch of my oldest son:
C is almost 11 and is in the 5th grade in the city school system. He plays lacrosse and loves video games. He is also a diabetic and has been since he was 17 mos. old. Oh, and he's actually my step-son, from my husband's first marriage. (this might end up being important, as we have to deal with his being gone on occasion.) He lives with us full-time.
My youngest son:
J is almost 5 and stays at home with me. He plays baseball (I coach) and loves to watch Thomas and Handy Manny on his iPod. He is my self-proclaimed best friend. He is smarter than any 5 year old should be and helps me around the house by picking up and cleaning up and turning off lights. He is a wonderful example of Attachment Parenting. (purely by accident - I did what felt natural, and it turns out it has a name and is quite the thing to do these days. Who knew?)
My husband:
D is older than I. . . by a few years (less than a decade). I won't announce his age, as it will give mine away somewhat. :-) He works hard to take care of us and does a wonderful job. He's my best friend. He loves college sports, particularly Kentucky, so we have lots of fun watching all the games. He is a fabulous father and a great husband.
Me:
I am me. . . straightforward and up front. I am a nerd - I love all things electronic and keep up to date on the newest toys coming out. I use Apple for everything I own. I'm trying to convert the world one laptop at a time. :-) I'm a Southern belle through-and-through. I watch college sports (even without D) and have my own favorite, Vandy. My sweet tea is thick enough to chew and I don't believe a meal is a meal unless there's one (or more) meat, two (or more) vegetables, and a bread on the table. . . all of it either fried or with butter. I love my animals and keep taking in strays. I love to read and can suggest a novel or two at any time. . . and probably let you borrow my copy of it. Same goes for movies.
I like to have a good time, but I'm a good girl to the core. You can't live in the Bible Belt and not have faith be as much of you are as the color of your eyes or your last name. D and I recently moved our family from a very large congregation that I grew up in to a much smaller congregation. We like that we are missed and we get to know the others there so much better. We can let our children go off with the other kids there and still see them. We can be as actively involved as we want to be without having to join committees and subgroups. It's a conservative group, and as traditional as we are.
I took a bit longer than I expected on setting this all up, so I guess this will have to be in two parts. I may post later this evening, or it may be tomorrow.
xoxo,
MAC
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