Spinning Out of Control

The last few weeks have been crazy. The boys finished school, C graduated from 6th grade (can't believe he's going to be in middle school!), J finished kindergarten (he's a 1st grader now!), we played (and lost) our last ever T-ball game. . . and D's mom was diagnosed with cancer. It's bad, too. The initial diagnosis was stage 3 invasive ductal breast cancer. The oncologist is performing more tests to see if it is stage 3 or 4 (the difference is if it has spread or not). Either way, it's going to be a rough summer. She's looking at chemo, radiation, surgery, and a lot of time feeling like she's been run over by a steamroller.

I cannot stress enough, ladies - get checked yearly! She didn't, and this wasn't noticed early. That's the difference with her and Mom. Feel yourself up, go to the doctor, get mammograms, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HEALTH! Your family needs you to be healthy and aware of your body. Don't let them down!

J isn't aware of what's going on, really. He knows that she's sick, and he knows that we're scared, but he doesn't understand "cancer" and what that means long term. C, however, does understand a bit more. . . and is scared. He doesn't want to go to his mother's this summer now. (as if we needed another problem with her) He wants to stay with D's parents all the time (which isn't new). No one close to him has died before. No one in D's family has gone through the cancer scene before. D has buried one grandparent he was close to and two he was not, and that's really all. . . He is scared, the boys are scared, and no one is talking about it. This is going to be an interesting summer.

On the job front, I have two applications pending. One with a non-profit as a Managing Director. That one, I was put up for the position by a board member. Said board member has since changed her mind on the direction she thinks the position should go and has convinced the board they need to go with someone else. I understand why, but I'm still a bit irritated. I was qualified and willing to work the hours and for the pay offered. grrr The other is at the university, in the Dean of Education's office. It's a full-time, 8:00-4:30 job, year round. Great benefits, being a state job, but requires ESP after school and a summer program for J, not to mention it keeps me out of the schools next year, AND I just don't really want to work full time like that. It's a great job with great people. . . and I get sick when I think about having to work out of the home during the day and not getting to be with the kids. If I get offered the job, I have to take it. We aren't in a position where I can turn down an offer. I just don't like it. Especially now, when I feel that the boys need as much familiar routine and time to process. I really wanted the other job. It was part-time, work from home, so much better suited to our lifestyle. I'm emotionally struggling right now.

D and I are arguing a lot lately, too. I know it's all connected to the other stuff. He's worried and stressed and not talking about what's going on or how he feels, and he's taking his frustration out on me. I'm worried and stressed and trying to keep him happy and getting pissy when my efforts are unnoticed or unappreciated. Just one more thing to deal with, right?

I'm twitterpated

Just like Flower (Bambi, 1942), I'm "twitterpated." I am in love with the changes I have made recently. I am in love with my family. And, yes, I am in love with Twitter. I now Tweet.

The changes I have made recently:
- cooking in my two crock pots on busy days so that we come home to a meal, rather than stopping and picking up a $5 hot-and-ready pizza from Little "tweezers."
- not caring about the tidiness of the boys' room so long as the clothes are put away.
- not finding things the boys lose by not being tidy.
- using a clothesline instead of the dryer (HUGE difference in electric usage!)
- going to bed at the same time each night.
- reorganizing my iPhone so that each screen of icons is useful to ME and no one else.
- bringing fresh cut flowers from my gardens into the living and dining rooms so I can see and smell them.
- boxing up clothes that D and I no longer wear, either to donate to flood victims or sell in a yard sale.
- insisting that C's prescriptions be switched from name-brand to the lest costly (and more accurate!) generics.

My family:
- J thinks I am "hot, hot, hot!" (once we explained to C that "hot" means "sexy") scary, but sweet.
- C, upon discovering he will be spending all summer with his mother, began complaining and actually being a nice child again around here. It reminded me why I like him. :-)
- D has finally caught on and started being a father to BOTH of his sons, and even going so far as to expect the same level of respect and responsibility from both of them. In addition, he is standing up for me to both of our families more now, which is huge.

Twitter:
- I just signed up yesterday. You can follow me http://twitter.com/VandyMAC