Who doesn't love a good fight with their husband? I mean, really. Few things give you that feeling inside quite like a fight with the spouse. ugh. And what I absolutely love is that we only fight when I'm the one in the wrong. We never fight when he's in the wrong. I'm nice enough not to bring it up and point it out, and he prefers to ignore it. But let me be in the wrong - oh boy! The first thing that happens is he starts talking to me as though I'm a child, telling me what I did wrong and how I should have done it. This is usually followed with "but you don't know better, because you weren't taught better," or some other reference to my family/parents that is meant to highlight just how WRONG they are, and always followed with the example of his family of how RIGHT they are. I have finally just started to take it, listening to him tell me what I do wrong, how it's not my fault because I never saw how a marriage was supposed to work. . . and then I apologize for being a bad wife and not doing (_fill_in_the_blank__) correctly.
Yesterday's fight was a re-run. It was on how I never had to do without, so I never learned how to manage money. I thought it was funny, seeing as I have spent $90 in five weeks, all on groceries. So, for a change, the money WAS NOT my fault. He is the one who spent all the money this past weekend. He crawls all over me if I go over my budget for food or whatever by so much as $5, but he went over on fireworks by $25, and then went to Lowe's for another $50 that we didn't plan to spend. But it's my fault. . . somehow.
I think my favorite line was, "You're smart. You're so super smart. But you just don't use your damn brain." Warm and fuzzy inside, I tell ya. Almost as good was telling me that I could use MY money for my stuff. . . or that he had seriously considered setting up a bank account in just his name and he'd give me a weekly cash allowance for my gas and groceries.
For as much as I love him (and I do!), sometimes I wonder if ours is a healthy relationship. And sometimes I wonder where the line between mean/upset and cruel is. The biggest thing I wonder is if my sons are going to grow up thinking this is how to be a husband, that a wife is to be like I am. And are we okay with that?? I want my boys to know that the man is the head of the house. I want my boys to find wives that are submissive, because they are supposed to be. But I do not want my boys to be overbearing brutes who bully to control and rule with an iron fist.
I'm just in a mood. It's bleeding over into everything. I'm not depressed. I'm just confused and sore and grumpy. I should point out that we made up last night, that it wasn't a big deal. . . I'm just still carrying it around in my head. But I'm okay.
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