I didn't realize just how long it had been since I sat down and had a "normal" day, until I sat down to start a normal day. Suddenly, I notice my inbox is full of old emails (some a month old) that have been read but not filed, and that it is beyond time to be writing again. However, sitting down to do these things made me admit something - I am okay with J being in school. In fact, I LOVE having the quiet time to get things done. Since I am no longer huddled under the blanket trying not to cry or sitting in the car in the parking lot trying to catch a glimpse of him on the playground (yes, I'm the person in the car that you "sane" parents worry about) (and I never actually DID this. . . even though I wanted to, badly), the house has gotten cleaner, we are eating much healthier food, and the laundry is being folded within a hour or so of being taken from the dryer. . . still not put up, but folded, which is huge. I've even listed several things on eBay, and cleaned out part of the attic. I am in a good place now. So now it's time to jump into these projects and activities that I am so excited about.
One of the things I've gotten into is the Delvin Farms CSA (http://www.delvinfarms.com/). I had no idea about this until a friend over at the 4-H Extension called and asked if I would be willing to spend three hours every Wednesday afternoon waiting for people to pick up their food boxes. I said I would, and haven't regretted it yet. I am paid in food, which is great. I bring home a 1/2 bushel box of assorted organic, locally grown veggies every week. This is a program I hope to remain involved with for a long time.
Another thing I've gotten into is I have been hired on as a freelance writer for Suite 101 (http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/maryac). I'm working on my first articles now. This should be a lot of fun, as it keeps me writing, plus generates a little bit of income. And then there is also the guilty pleasure of being published.
The biggest thing I've signed on to do is Artsy Mamas, though. And it's the one I'm most excited about, now. When I signed on, I was nervous, excited, and a little bit sad. To be honest, as much as I knew I'd love it and wanted to do it, it was depressing to think about all the daytime activities I would not be able to do with J because he is in school. That took a bit of time to get over, and now that I have, I am able to to look at all the fun activities and events and truly enjoy my part in them.
As I'm settling into my routine, I'm learning more about myself, my abilities as a mother, and my inner strengths. I'm very proud to say that I have not been on any of my anti-anxiety medications in almost a year, and, more importantly, have not had an episode or panic attack since school has started (we won't discuss registration or the days leading up to school starting). I did what needed to be done, and I respected my personal limits in every situation. I gave myself time, space, and arranged support from others when I knew I'd need it most. I really feel as though I've grown a lot in the last month or two, and - GASP! - feel a bit like an adult.
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